常州雅思培训机构:雅思写作避免假大空！

　　more and more people buy and use their own cars.

　　do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for environment?

　　雅思的口语和写作有相当多的共同点，如：两个都是输出型的(所以对于中国学生都很难)、两个都需要考生运用逻辑去表达自己的看法。从本质上来说，雅思口语和作文在回答问题上都包括这三部分：

　　1. 回答问题(喜欢或不喜欢、同意或不同意、视情况而定等等)

　　2. 给出论点(口语中大多是关键词;写作中指的是中心句)

　　3. 支持论点(通过举例、对比、假设等方式来说服听者/读者)

　　当然，我们中国考生的问题主要还是出现在“支持论点”这一环节上，问题很多。而其中一个就是：高不成低不就。

　　所谓“高不成低不就”，就是指考生们在论点上比较倾向给出过于抽象或用词过大的句子，从而导致考生无法很好地支持自己提出的论点。如：private cars have become an indispensable part of our life. 我们考生出现的问题就是接下来无法对“indispensable”(不可或缺)一词有很好的理解和把握。但考生们对于较具体的论点又会觉得句子会“low”，而且没什么好拓展的。

　　在用词和用句方面，我们的考生也偏重于背一些“看似高大上，其实假大空”的句子，如with the development of modern technology,/ there is no denying the fact that/ at an astonishing rate/ it is manifest that(这句话很多人说是不对的)等等。

　　接下来，老师用两篇关于“private car”的小文章来进一步阐述我的观点。

　　短文一：

　　nowadays more and more families own private cars. private cars, as the product of modem civilization, have been playing a vital role in people's daily activities. first, private cars are a convenient means of transportation. you can go wherever you like. secondly, there is no doubt that private cars will have a great impact on the economic growth. the rapid car industry growth will contribute much to keeping the country's economy growing at a higher rate in the near future.

　　but every coin has two sides. the development of the private cars will bring about a series of problems. for example, the polluted air given off by cars will do great harm to our health, too many private cars will lead to traffic jams and a great deal of energy will be wasted and so on.

　　so i think we should take advantages of private cars and make them serve us better. meantime we hope that satisfactory solutions to these negative problems will be found soon.

　　文章整体看上去还是不错的，语法和用词都没有什么明显的错误。但老师我可以很轻易地判断出这时一位中国人写的文章，因为在用词和思维上有明显地中国思维的痕迹。

　　比如第二段中的“every coin has two sides.”——典型的高中英语作文必备套句。

　　当然还有结尾段的“取其精华去其糟粕”的神翻译(so i think we should take advantages of private cars and make them serve us better. meantime we hope that satisfactory solutions to these negative problems will be found soon)

　　接下来我们再来看一篇更为符合老外思维和遣词造句的文章。

　　短文二：

　　nowadays more and more private cars have entered thousands of ordinary families. private cars are used every day to carry people to and from work. at weekends, private cars take families on joyful outings. most of people living in the city like private cars very much. what is more, the development of the car industry will stimulate other industries, such as iron and steel production. so the private car benefits the growth of economy.

　　private cars, like everything else, have more than one face. private cars have also given rise to a series of problems. for example, the streets are crowded with cars. they not only cause traffic accidents which injure or kill a large number of people each year, but also make great noise and give off many poisonous gases. but i believe we can solve all of the problems in the near future.

　　大家是否能看出一些什么不一样呢?如果还是觉得没有区别也不要紧，接下来老师为这两篇文章做一个更细致的对比。

　　短文一：nowadays more and more families own private cars. private cars, as the product of modem civilization, have been playing a vital role in people's daily activities.

　　短文二：nowadays more and more private cars have entered thousands of ordinary families.

　　短文二中的第一句话用的是private cars主动进入家庭，而不是我们常用的烂大街表达more and more people(families)。短文二中去掉了带有“as a product of modern civilization(现代文明产物)”的那句话，目的也是让文章整体上的基调保持一致，也同时避免了“假大空”的出现。

　　短文一：first, private cars are a convenient means of transportation. you can go wherever you like. secondly, there is no doubt that private cars will have a great impact on the economic growth. the rapid car industry growth will contribute much to keeping the country's economy growing at a higher rate in the near future.

　　短文二：private cars are used every day to carry people to and from work. at weekends, private cars take families on joyful outings. most of people living in the city like private cars very much. what is more, the development of the car industry will stimulate other industries, such as iron and steel production. so the private car benefits the growth of economy.

　　短文二中去掉了“you can go wherever you like”,因为句子听上去比较(想去哪去哪?真的吗?)。而且在短文二比一更加具体(private cars are used every day to carry people to and from work. at weekends, private cars take families on joyful outings.)。在短文一的第二个论点中(secondly后面)，作者出现了“高不成”的问题——私家车促进经济发展这一事实是很难证明的，所以万般无奈，作者使用了考官也是比较反感的“there is no doubt that”的套句。而为什么“私家车促进经济”变成了毫无疑问了呢?

　　短文一：but every coin has two sides. the development of the private cars will bring about a series of problems.

　　短文二：private cars, like everything else, have more than one face. private cars have also given rise to a series of problems.

　　短文二里的第一句话好了很多啊!同时注意，第二句话中两位作者的时态不一样。我个人觉得私家车所带来的问题已经是既定的事实，所以短文二的完成时更好些。

　　短文一：for example, the polluted air given off by cars will do great harm to our health, too many private cars will lead to traffic jams and a great deal of energy will be wasted and so on.

　　短文二：for example, the streets are crowded with cars. they not only cause traffic accidents which injure or kill a large number of people each year, but also make great noise and give off many poisonous gases.

　　短文一中作者用了一个并列句，举了三个例子，但句子的工整度上就一般了(注意三个例子的主语变化)。短文二中作者用了一个“总分”结构，并且后面有了一个not only, but also连接的递进关系的句子，层次感更好些。另外短文一里的“a great deal of energy will be wasted”让人有点不太同意：为什么使用在私家车上的能源是浪费呢?这也是很多中国考生的问题——分不清什么是“waste”，什么是“consume”。

　　希望考生们能通过以上的分享有所收获，别总盲目地贪图写作里过于浮夸的东西。脚踏实地才能写出令考官满意的文章。更多雅思写作详情请点击https://changzhou.gedu.org/ 咨询热线。